Get off my lawn!*

I'm not unlike the crotchety old geezer who stares out his front window, shouting at birds and children.** It's an absolutely glorious and sunny day, and though snow is supposedly predicted for Thursday and Saturday (apparently Friday doesn't exist), it's a positively tropical 13.3º C in the house*** and I haven't even put the heat on (yet. I do have laundry to dry). It's almost not frigid outside (7º C), and because Slaithwaite is so picturesque you could vomit, it's pretty perfect.

But I'm grumpy. It appears to be mid-term. Every mouth-breather who thought it was their unalienable right to breed has done so multiple times, and their children are not caged up at school like they should be. Since most of these people appear to be unemployed**** that means annoying family herds are meandering down the sidewalks, stopping and getting in my way. They're feeding the ducks, who are shitting everywhere, walking along the canal ensuring that I can't get past, and generally being obnoxious. They're shrieking and laughing and being loud and happy, and those that aren't are talking on the phone outside my window. And when I'm not getting hit by noise pollution, the smokers are out there, hitting me with toxic crap that I don't want fouling my lungs or stinking up my home.

A lot of people accuse the US of giving kids too much time off from school, and since the summer hols are about 3 months long, I used to agree (yes, even as a student). Until I discovered that my mother-in-law (who works in a school) was home on holiday for a week or more at a time every 6 weeks or so, and the summer hols are 6-8 weeks. I'd like to say I'm exaggerating, but I'm pretty sure I'm not; British kids are off from school at least as much as American kids, it's just more spread out (yes, this is probably better for knowledge retention, but I'm still irritated. Besides, they were just off for two weeks for xmas less than 2 months ago).

Also, this Berry-blast Echinacea tea tastes like ass, and I have 18 more bags of it to choke down. Because you can't just get echinacea, you have to get echinacea and something. God forbid someone doesn't want the extraneous crap. So now my teapot looks like it's bleeding. Since it has a face on it (I didn't buy it; it was a cast-off from my in-laws who gave us a teapot so that we could offer them tea when they came over. Guess how well that worked.) it's more than a little disconcerting.

*Never mind that I don't have a lawn. I barely have space to keep my trash and recycling bins.

**I've done both. But the kids were pounding on my side door. I've also hosed down a tree with a squirrel in it. I don't like squirrels.

***That's 297 inches for non-metric users. Also, that's the warmest the house has been–even with the heat on–since before xmas.

****Because it's not possible that they might work non-traditional hours, freelance, work from home, take holiday, or anything else.