Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Bwahh!

Things finally seem to be getting back to a somewhat more even keel.  I received word (well, letter) that my visa app has been passed onto a case worker to be dealt with, but not to contact UKBA until they contact me (the implication being that the letter wasn't contact, which I could be a smartass and argue).  And don't make any urgent travel plans.  That second one is a half-oops: I made travel plans even before the visa application was sent off, because, well, I have travel plans.  Friends marrying and Thanksgiving.  I don't consider them urgent because my travels are in mid-September and after, but given that they "try to decide on 95% of applications within 6 months" I'm not quite sure what UKBA's definition of urgent is.  If I don't hear something by the end of June, I probably will contact them, regardless of what the letter says.

Perhaps more importantly, our internet connection has finally been restored.  One of my tasks soon is to write a formal letter of complaint to Ofcom and Virgin Media about this whole fiasco.  I shall try to sum it up for you as concisely as possible.*

We had been having problems off-and-on with Virgin Media, who provided our phoneline and broadband (DSL, which comes down the phoneline, because where we live fibre optic/cable isn't available), for a long time.  When we moved just over a year ago, they opened a new account for us, which not only changed our plan (no longer unlimited downloads, but that didn't actually affect us) but also caused us to be billed for both accounts for about three months.  I was explicitly told, because I explicitly asked, that neither of these things would happen.  But they did.  After noticing the billing issue, I then proceeded to spend 59 days trying to get our money back whilst various people at Virgin told me different things.  I don't think most, if any, of them intended to lie to me, but they did, telling me everything from "the money will be reimbursed to your bank account by Monday" to the old "the check is in the mail."  At 60 days I would have contacted Ofcom, who handles disputes like this with ISPs and similar.  60 days after you've first notified your ISP is when Ofcom will start to step in.

Then, we had other billing problems in the form of our price being increased, but our services not receiving a proportional bump in quality.  I talked them down a bit, but about a month ago--six months after the previous rise--they upped our bill by £5 a month, with another £2-3 rise coming two months later.  So I contacted them to get our MAC (Migration Account Code) so we could take our business elsewhere--you can't really change ISPs without one, and they have to give you one within something like 5 days of your request.  I was told that I couldn't get it because I wasn't the account holder.  Never mind that I could add services to our account, increasing the amount of money they could charge, but I couldn't request a MAC or remove services because of--and no, I'm not kidding--"Data Protection."  The guy couldn't explain it satisfactorily to me, so my comment was basically "as long as you get more money, it's protected, but it's not protected if you get less."  His response was a long-winded double-speak yes.

That pissed me off royally, since I'm the one who set up the new account when we moved and knows all about it (I know the password, Adam doesn't), but because my name isn't on the account--just the debit card that pays the bills--I couldn't request a MAC.  AND they didn't even try to talk me into staying with a discount.  So Adam called the next day and got the MAC.  They sorta tried to talk him into staying, but when he told them the price we'd be getting from a competitor--and not an introductory price, but the regular price--they said "well, read the fine print."  Funny, I already had.  Orange, the company we've now switched to, is about £7 a month cheaper than our old price on Virgin, or nearly £15 less than what it would have been post all price increases.  AND we get more included from Orange (free 0845 calls, which are not free on Virgin, but all businesses use them).

But that isn't what has pissed me off the most, because while all of that is irritating, it's didn't directly affect our/my day-to-day life.  Having our phone line cancelled did.

It turns out that Virgin doesn't offer a phoneline only service.  If we had cable (can't, not offered in this area) we could have kept our phoneline, but because we only had/have broadband and phone, when Orange took over our broadband and Virgin received confirmation, Virgin shut off our phoneline.  And the broadband comes down our phoneline, so no line = no broadband.  Or narrowband, shortband, longband, marching band, or any other type of band you can think of.  And to answer your question of "why aren't the broadband and phoneline taken over simultaneously" I can only say that no one knows (I asked) but that's just how it's done over here.

Initially, I thought we got shut off due to non-payment of our bill.  Because of the aforementioned fiasco with double billing--when we were still doing business with them--I didn't want to have to try and get my money back from Virgin when we were no longer customers.  So I cancelled the direct debit order (now that's data protection, bitches!), and told them to send me a bill and we would pay it promptly.  I told them this three times: once in an email so it was in writing (not responded to), once over the phone (where the guy was nice but not particularly helpful and we never got a bill), and once in reply to the automatic email that told me our services would be "restricted" if we didn't pay the bill--but to disregard the email if we've already spoken to them about it.  No reply to that email either.  So exactly 5 days after they sent out that second email our phoneline went dead.  Fabulous.

Luckily, Orange called me the following afternoon about something else; specifically, they had me listed as Mrs, not Ms, and I asked them to change it (via email about 4 hours before our line went dead).  That was an assumption on their part, because I'm pretty sure I never had to check a box stating my title, and if I did, it certainly wouldn't have been Mrs.  But they called to let me know they'd fixed it for me (because all name changes on the account are impossible to do without sending them paperwork, but I didn't have that paperwork, since it doesn't exist!), so I told them what happened.  Eventually, I was transferred to the tech people--not tech support, but actual technicians--who said they were really sorry about that all and they'd try to take over our phone line by Tuesday at the latest, probably Monday (this was Friday).  When I got home Friday afternoon, we had a working phone line.  But it takes 7-10 working days (Monday-Friday) to get broadband on a line, so since we had a "new line"*** it was going to take 7-10 from the new number going live.

In short, it did.  About 10 working days after the new line came up we had broadband back.  It was confusing, though, because there was a left hand/right hand thing going on; the techs were doing their thing exactly as stated, but apparently hadn't informed customer service of this, because customer service told us it would be a week later than it actually came up.  This is all fine and good, really, but still slightly amusing.  So far, at least, the people at Orange have been very nice, honestly helpful--or at least honest in that they don't know something, whereas Virgin would make something up--and the service has been solid and reasonably fast (we don't get actually fast here).  Plus they even offered us a partial refund (which I will call to deal with shortly) for our troubles, even though this wasn't really their fault.

So long story short, that's what's been going on with us the last few weeks.  Oh, and a paper for Girl Museum, which isn't going well but is sucking up a bunch of time.  Still waiting on word about Titanium Solstice, though the editor has chosen submissions, just hasn't notified authors (or at least not me) yet.


*Given that conciseness is something that I only seem to have when I need to hit a word count on an academic paper, don't count on it.
**Now where have I heard that before...
***Note that there are no physical changes to the line, only the number.  No, I still don't understand it either.  I've given up on that though, and accepted words like bureaucracy and red-tape and idiots.  And assholes, when applied to Virgin.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

2012 Reading List: April

So no internet for two weeks, which has been just dandy, let me tell you.  And yet I still haven't had as much time to read as I'd like.  Probably because I've been yelling at various ISPs.  Will try to post properly in a few days--also have a paper I am working on.

APRIL

16.  The Walking Dead Volume 1: Days Gone Bye, by Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore (graphic novel)
15.  Serenity: Better Days 1-3, by Joss Whedon, Brett Matthews, Will Conrad and Adam Hughes (comic book "mini series")
14.  The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party, by Alexander McCall Smith (The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency Series #12)
13.  Royal Assassin, by Robin Hobb (The Farseer Trilogy Book #2)
12.  The Raven, by Edgar Allan Poe

MARCH

11.  Moon Over Soho, by Ben Aaronovitch (Peter Grant Series #2)
10.  Assassin's Apprentice, by Robin Hobb (The Farseer Trilogy Book #1)
9.  Obsidian Butterfly, by Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Blake #9)

FEBRUARY

8.  Blue Moon, by Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Blake #8)
7.  *Night Train to Memphis, by Elizabeth Peters (Vicky Bliss #5)
6.  *Trojan Gold, by Elizabeth Peters (Vicky Bliss #4)
5.  Burnt Offerings, by Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Blake #7)

JANUARY

4.  The Crimson Petal and the White, by Michel Faber
3.  Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter, by A. E. Moorat (pen name of Andrew Holmes, it appears)
2.  *A Little Princess, by Frances Hodgson Burnett
1.  Heat Rises, by "Richard Castle" (Nikki Heat Series #3) (Best guess at ghostwriter: Tom Straw)

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Dubious Usefulness

Le sigh.  I currently have no passport, Adam has no passport, and I spent over £7 on copies (and £991 in application fees) this weekend to send in my visa application so as to stay legal and not get deported.  Given that this entire process will cost us around £1200, it's a wonder than I bothered.  It's also not the best way to crack down on illegal immigration (which is not as prevalent ANYWHERE as people seem to think, and certainly isn't the economic problem people want it to be).

But that's not what this post is about.  This post is about the entire "Life in the UK" process, or what I like to call a gigantic financial, mental, and temporal cesspool.  Yeah, that's right.  It took my money, my brainpower, and my time, and stuck them all in a pile of shit.

First, the fact that I--or really anyone--needs to take the test is insulting, as the study book (more on that in a moment) claims that England is proud of its multiculturalism (protip: it's not).  But ignoring that, I can live with the idea of the test.  You want to live somewhere, you should have a token grasp of how that place works.  Sadly, that's not what the test is about.  Let me quote for you:
This handbook contains all the answers to the questions that may be asked in the Life in the UK test.  The questions will all be based on chapters 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 of the handbook.  You do not have to study the other chapters in order to be able to pass the test, but we hope and believe that they will be of interest and practical value to many readers and they will certainly help your understanding of the chapters you will be tested on.
Next, let me list the Table of Contents for you (with selected sub-sections):

CHAPTER 1: THE MAKING OF THE UNITED KINGDOM
(sub-sections omitted)
pages 7-25
CHAPTER 2: A CHANGING SOCIETY
Migration to Britain; The changing role of women; Children, family and young people
pages 27-33
CHAPTER 3: UK TODAY: A PROFILE
Population; The nations and regions of the UK; Religion; Customs and traditions
pages 35-41
CHAPTER 4: HOW THE UNITED KINGDOM IS GOVERNED
The British Constitution; The UK in Europe and the World
pages 43-53
CHAPTER 5: EVERYDAY NEEDS
Housing; Services in and for the home; Money and credit; Health; Education; Leisure; Travel and transport
pages 55-73
CHAPTER 6: EMPLOYMENT
Looking for work; Equal rights and discrimination; At work; Working for yourself; Childcare and children at work
pages 75-85
CHAPTER 7: KNOWING THE LAW
(sub-sections omitted)
pages 87-99
CHAPTER 8: SOURCES OF HELP AND INFORMATION
(sub-sections omitted)
pages 101-105
CHAPTER 9: BUILDING BETTER COMMUNITIES
pages 107-113
GLOSSARY

Now, scroll on back up there and see what chapters they test on.  Right, I'll just tell you.  Chapters 2-6.  Now look at the titles of chapters 1 and 7.  Wait, what?  They don't test on British history or, perhaps of more importance, British law?  How can that be?!  Oh wait.  Because by the time you're taking this test, you've lived here close to a minimum of 2 years (likely with the right to work), so now's the time to tell people how to get a job and what the minimum wage is.  Except the book was published in 2007 and the minimum wage goes up nearly every year.  As does the population.  And a variety of other things that change regularly as well.  But by god, they'll test you on information that's half a decade out of date.

I find it galling that I had to read pages on how to get a job, how to send a child to school, how to buy a home, and so forth, but I wasn't required to know a damn thing about crime, my rights under the law (except as to how they apply to working), the court system, and whatever else is covered in the law section.  No, I didn't read anything other than chapters 2-6.  Funny enough, I had no problems with the test.  

It's offensive.  I really am not opposed to the idea of the test, but I am galled at the contents of the test.  24 questions, 18 required to pass (they don't tell you how many you got correct at the end).  The only section that I found to be truly worthwhile was the government section, but that was filled with unnecessary numbers.  Fair enough, needing to know that there are 646 parliamentary seats in the House of Commons, but unless you live in Wales, Scotland, or Northern Ireland, you don't need to know how many seats they all have for their respective ruling bodies.  And why do I think that's not important?  Because the book told me that most ethnic minorities (and thus immigrants, though that is not explicitly said) live in England, and most of those live in London.  So who the fuck cares that the (suspended) Northern Ireland Assembly has 108 members?  Especially since it's suspended!

Here's the worst part.  My in-laws were afraid that I wouldn't pass.  They took a test online and they didn't pass, therefore I wouldn't.  The lack of faith is appalling.  I had the book.  I'm also really good at remembering useless crap, especially for short amounts of time, and good at taking tests (except for the GRE English, but we don't speak of that.  EVER.)

Actually, that's not the worst part.  The worst part is that there was a girl in there who was taking the test for the second time, since she failed the first time.  She also failed the second time.  Another lass failed as well, because--and I quote--"there were at least 10 questions on there that weren't on the practice tests."  And I'm guessing a third guy failed, because he scheduled the test and then bought the book.  Because our testing was so screwed up (massive computer and server failures meant they had to keep restarting/reloading) they were being lax at the test centre, and he kept going into the post-test waiting room to "get some water" to ask those of us who finished for answers.  His problem?  I wasn't helping him, and the two who were both failed.  Ooops.

~~~~~

In somewhat related news, someone I care very deeply for (not my husband*) told me that the English, when they go other places, make an effort to learn and fit into that culture, particularly if they're moving there.  This was in reference to Muslims or those of Asian extraction** I presume.  But I disagree: a culture whose primary goal for centuries was to acquire as many countries as possible*** and enforce Britishness on them doesn't get the right to say that.  Besides, Brits are roundly hated when they go to restaurants in the States because they "don't know" that they're supposed to tip.****  Bullshit.  They know.  They just pretend ignorance because they're cheap.  Everybody knows that Americans are so cheap that they won't pay their waitstaff a livable wage so they depend on those tips to keep the lights on and food on the table.

*I do care very deeply for my husband, but he's not the person who said this.
**In this case, Asian means Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, etc.  This is England, not the west coast of the States, where I take Asian to mean Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc (sorry to everyone I lumped into "etc.," but I can't see my map from here and that was the one part of the world where we didn't study geography in middle school).
***Do you have a flag?
****They're also hated in France, but that's a long standing feud and the feeling is mutual.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

2012 Reading List: March

Bit busy this month.  Between finishing up Titanium Solstice and my parents visiting for a week, plus a Jesus event (christening) and becoming an aunt (this has involved no work on my part, so I guess it doesn't count), I didn't have loads of time for reading.  I'm trying to make some of that up, because I hate not reading for days at a stretch--I feel lost when I don't read in a single day, let alone for several days--but I still have plenty of work to tackle, which will continue to cut in on book time.  Tomorrow's duties include fighting with the ISP, which will most likely culminate in cancelling our account in favor of one significantly cheaper; examining my taxes and determining if I can get them sorted and filed by the 14th, or if I need to file for an extension (I should get one automagically since I live overseas, but I don't know how that works); and actively studying for the absolutely moronic "Life in the UK" test.  A whole post needs to be devoted to that flaming bag of shit.

But in the meantime, let me recommend Ben Aaronovitch's Peter Grant/Folly books.  Hi-larious.

MARCH

11.  Moon Over Soho, by Ben Aaronovitch (Peter Grant Series #2)
10.  Assassin's Apprentice, by Robin Hobb (The Farseer Trilogy Book #1)
9.  Obsidian Butterfly, by Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Blake #9)

FEBRUARY

8.  Blue Moon, by Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Blake #8)
7.  *Night Train to Memphis, by Elizabeth Peters (Vicky Bliss #5)
6.  *Trojan Gold, by Elizabeth Peters (Vicky Bliss #4)
5.  Burnt Offerings, by Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Blake #7)

JANUARY

4.  The Crimson Petal and the White, by Michel Faber
3.  Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter, by A. E. Moorat (pen name of Andrew Holmes, it appears)
2.  *A Little Princess, by Frances Hodgson Burnett
1.  Heat Rises, by "Richard Castle" (Nikki Heat Series #3) (Best guess at ghostwriter: Tom Straw)

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Finally!

Praise Jesus and pass the pork chops--the neighbors are finally moving out.  Between domestic fights, a constantly yapping little shit of a Jack Russell terrier, an occasional crying baby, and Sunday afternoon bad "romantic" music interludes that are so loud we can hear every note and every word of every commercial.  Also, she smokes like a cheap chimney.

The flat has been listed as available for a month or two now, and when I looked it up online, it's free from the 30th of March.  It sat empty for close to two months after it was showing as being let, so we were hoping they would move out early as well.  Not so much, but they seem to have been moving out over the course of the week, with a ton of stuff going yesterday, including the bed (looked like the cheapest Ikea frame they have).  She was wearing her usual neon pink Doc Marten boots, but this time with some lovey shiny spandex leggings, complete with neon splotches of color.  For all her sins, she more or less has the body to pull off the leggings, but the way the leggings were made, the splotches ended abruptly at the seams, looking extra tacky.

But digressing from my nasty comments about her fashion, today appears to be cleaning day.  He's over today, the windows are wide open, the microwave is outside, and the grill pan is on the porch, drying in the sun.  Hopefully this means they'll be gone by Saturday.  With Mom and Dad here for a week starting then, it's bad enough to contend with the physiotherapist stamping and yammering away upstairs, but the yapping dog would be too much--lord knows it is/was for Adam and I.

So yes, the neighbors appear to be leaving.  Hopefully the place will sit empty for months again, and when new people move in, hopefully they'll be better than the exiting occupants.