Sex with a vampire

So, like a trainwreck, I kept reading Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight" series until the bitter, bitter end. It really was like a trainwreck to me--I wanted to avert my eyes, to turn away from the horror, but I just couldn't. From time to time, I would forget how awful her writing could be, as she would improve up to mediocre. I usually got slapped in the face shortly thereafter, but for a little bit of time every few chapters, her writing would not stand in the way of the story. It didn't enhance the story, mind you, and her use of language will never be trancendent, a joy and pleasure to soak up her words, but at least from time to time she didn't stand in the way of her plot.

However, I must say, some people shouldn't write sex scenes. Though I do hate to generalize, it has been--in my direct experience--that male sci-fi or fantasy writers, Mormons, and people whose only experience with sex has been to read online erotica are all groups who should not write sex scenes. My reason for the first group is that it usually seems to involve rape or coersion, the second because they talk around it (more on that--Meyer is LDS), and the third because--and I quote Adam here--lines like "and then she reached the g-spot" not only are bad, but make no sense. For examples on the last, you can read some free stories on EroticStories.com--you don't need an account, and do a web search to find it--some are good, most are...well, written by people who need to get laid more often.

In direct reference to Ms. Meyer, she talked about the first time Bella (aka creepy obsessive vamp stalker chick) and Edward (aka vaguely un-hot moody overprotective bloodsucking bore) have sex. I believe I read three pages before the word sex came out. Then nothing was described (fair enough, teen book). Then Bella was perfectly happy and content with her world (until other things happened). My only saving grace--and my mother will understand this one--was that the phrase "turgid love stick" never appeared. Then, after Bella becomes a vampire (ooh, spoilers, eek!) she talks around it again, how new and wonderful and passionate it is. Why do people in novels (or movies) never have bad sex? They rarely even have mediocre sex, and it's never unfufilling. It's argued that people read to escape reality (yes, yes we do), but people also read to enhance, expand, and understand the reality around them. Part of that is not setting up a pre-teen for the eventual letdown of crappy sex. Sorry, but it happens to all of us at some time or another. Better to let them know that now rather than later....