Jokes

A new joke I learned today:

Q.  What did the Tea Partier get on his IQ Test?
A.  Drool.

A joke I learned while in Leicester (if somewhat misogynistic):

Q.  How is a woman like a hurricane?
A.  At first she's wet and wild, but then she leaves with your house and car.

And my most favoritist joke of all time (that's not TOO dirty):

A pirate walks into a bar, and has a massive ship's wheel sticking out of his trousers.  The bartender looks at it and asks "Hey, doesn't that thing bother you?"  The pirate replies "Yarrr, it's driving me nuts!"

2010 Reading List: December

With about 4.5 hours to spare, I managed to squeak out my 63rd book this year, finishing The Hobbit around 7:30pm on New Year's Eve.  I'm proud of myself, averaging more than a book a week, and reading 35 books this year that I've never read before.  I'd love to be averaging more like 2-2.5 books a week, but I have to balance it with work (yeah, part-time, but still), Girl Museum (we have a new exhibition, go see it!), and a heavy TV schedule, so I doubt I'll be able to increase my average much.  Even so, I'm pleased that I've managed to read a bunch of stuff I've not read before.  Holding myself accountable by posting everything here on the blog has kept me aware of what I've read, and has, in a couple of cases, kept me from reading something I've already read this year.

And though I know my reading list is boring to some people--if not everyone--who reads this, it is helpful to me, so I will be continuing it in 2011 as well.  Speaking of, Happy New Year!

59.  The Dark Secret of Weatherend*, by John Bellairs (An Anthony Monday Mystery)

60.  Mrs. Pollifax and the Whirling Dervish*, by Dorothy Gilman (Mrs. Pollifax Novel)
61.  The Mansion in the Mist*, by John Bellairs (An Anthony Monday Mystery)
62.  Bone in the Throat, by Anthony Bourdain
63.  The Hobbit*, by J.R.R. Tolkien

Agatha Christie

 1.  The Tuesday Club Murders (Miss Marple; a series of short stories--good intro to character)

 2.  The Labors of Hercules (Hercule Poirot; a series of short mysteries with an overarching theme)

Margaret Truman

 3.  Murder in the White House (Capital Crimes novel: no recurring characters, but sort of a "set")

Isaac Asimov

 4.  The Caves of Steel (A Lije Baley & R. Daneel Olivaw novel)

 5.  The Naked Sun (A Lije Baley & R. Daneel Olivaw novel)

16.  I, Robot

J. K. Rowling

 6.  Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone* (Harry Potter Series Book 1)

 7.  Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets* (Harry Potter Series Book 2)

22.  Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban* (Harry Potter Series Book 3)

32.  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire* (Harry Potter Series Book 4)

Mary Francis Shura

 8.  Kate's Book* (one of two books featuring Kate Alexander)

 9.  Kate's House* (one of two books featuring Kate Alexander)

John Bellairs

10.  The Spell of the Sorcerer's Skull* (A Johnny Dixon mystery) I'm not sure if I've finished this one before, but I know I have started it in the past.

57.  The Treasure of Alpheus Winterbourn* (An Anthony Monday Mystery)

58.  The Lamp from the Warlock's Tomb* (An Anthony Monday Mystery)

59.  The Dark Secret of Weatherend* (An Anthony Monday Mystery)

61.  The Mansion in the Mist* (An Anthony Monday Mystery)

Erle Stanley Gardner

11.  The Case of the Stuttering Bishop (A Perry Mason mystery)

Carl Hiaasen

12.  Flush

E.L. Konigsburg

13.  Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth William McKinley, and me, Elizabeth

Carol Ryrie Brink

14.  The Pink Motel*

Jeff Burk

15.  Shatner Quake (More of a novella.  Whatever it is, it defies description.)

James B. Garfield

17.  Follow My Leader*

Jean Fritz and Tom Clute

18.  Champion Dog Prince Tom*

Janet Evanovich

19.  Full House (Several characters appear again in other books)

20.  Smitten

Jonathan Stroud

21.  The Amulet of Samarkand (The Bartimaeus Trilogy: Book 1)

Dorthy Gilman

23.  Mrs. Pollifax and the Second Thief* (Mrs. Pollifax Novel)

52.  Mrs. Pollifax and the Hong Kong Buddha* (Mrs. Pollifax Novel)

53.  A Palm for Mrs. Pollifax* (Mrs. Pollifax Novel)
60.  Mrs. Pollifax and the Whirling Dervish* (Mrs. Pollifax Novel)

Robert Rankin

24.  Nostradamus Ate My Hamster

Elizabeth Peters

25.  The Seventh Sinner* (Jacqueline Kirby novel)

26.  Borrower of the Night* (Vicky Bliss novel)

28.  Lord of the Silent* (Amelia Peabody novel)

39.  A River in the Sky (Ameila Peabody novel)

41.  The Falcon at the Portal* (Amelia Peabody novel)

42.  He Shall Thunder in the Sky* (Amelia Peabody novel)

48.  The Mummy Case* (Amelia Peabody novel)

50.  Lion in the Valley* (Amelia Peabody novel)

John Grogan

27.  Marley and Me

Terry Goodkind

29.  Soul of the Fire (Sword of Truth Series Book 5)

36.  Faith of the Fallen (Sword of Truth Series Book 6)

47.  The Pillars of Creation (Sword of Truth Series Book 7)

51.  Naked Empire (Sword of Truth Series Book 8)

54. Chainfire (Sword of Truth Series Book 9)

55.  Phantom (Sword of Truth Series Book 10)

56.  Confessor (Sword of Truth Series Book 11)

Terry Pratchett

30.  Strata (precursor to the Discworld novels)

46.  Unseen Academicals (A Discworld Novel)

Jan Siegel

31.  Prospero's Children (Fern Capel Trilogy Book 1)

Roald Dahl

33.  Matilda*

Nadifa Mohamed

34.  Black Mamba Boy

Alexander McCall Smith

35.  The Miracle at Speedy Motors (No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency Book 9)

38.  Tea Time for the Traditionally Built (No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency Book 10)

40.  The Double Comfort Safari Club (No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency Book 11)

"Richard Castle"  (ghostwriter unknown; Rick Castle is Nathan Fillion's character on Castle.)

37.  Heat Wave

Christopher Moore

43.  Bloodsucking Fiends* (Vampire Trilogy, Book 1)

44.  You Suck (Vampire Trilogy Book 2)

45.  Bite Me: A Love Story (Vampire Trilogy Book 3)

Sharyn McCrumb

49.  Zombies of the Gene Pool (sequel? to Bimbos of the Death Sun)

Anthony Bourdain
62.  Bone in the Throat

J.R.R. Tolkien
63.  The Hobbit*

James Cameron is a Douche

or

An Open Letter to Director James Cameron

Dear James Cameron,

Your movies are long, preachy, and generally suck.  Titanic had an obviously predictable plot, because unless you were planning on changing history, the ship sinks.  And your script for Titanic made two talented actors (Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet) look like hacks.  My heart nearly didn't go on, but your movie did.  And on.  And on.  And on.

Avatar would have worked better as a cartoon, because that's what it looked like.  Sam Worthington--another talented actor--kept slipping in and out of his accent.  Was that intentional, or was he so bored he couldn't remember what he was supposed to sound like?  Plus, your script had horrible dialogue, the plant life on Pandora was unbelievable (it's unlikely bamboo and maples would live next to each other on any planet, but--to be fair--Lost also made this mistake), and the penis-hair-bond thing was just creepy.  I gave you 1 point for the unobtanium thing, but you immediately lost it on the sheer preachiness of your film.  I too care about the environment, have many issues with the health care situation in the US, and am not overly fond of large portions of capitalism, but I also believe in the subtleties and fine nuances of good storytelling.  You failed.  You ripped off from Lord of the Rings, Independence Day, The Matrix, Star Wars (specifically Return of the Jedi), Pocahontas, Delgo, Call Me Joe by Poul Anderson, and lord only knows what else.  I understand that many, many stories are at least partially derivative, but you are bordering on plagiarism in some cases.

Plus, your movies are too damn long.  Get over yourself.

Sincerely,

Katie

RIP: Sports Edition

Though this is very belated, we lost two greats from the world of sports recently.  First, Paul the Octopus, best known for accurately "predicting" World Cup match winners, died on October 26th, 2010.  He was about two and a half years old.  Thankfully, he was not eaten by anyone.

Second, and much more unexpectedly, Dave Niehaus, the Voice of the Mariners, died from a heart attack  on November 10th, 2010.  He was 75, and had been with the Seattle Mariners since their inception in 1977.  The Seattle PI wrote this about him.  He will be truly missed, as a Mariner, and a fan of baseball.

2010 Reading List: November

55.  Phantom, by Terry Goodkind (Sword of Truth Series Book 10)
56.  Confessor, by Terry Goodkind (Sword of Truth Series Book 11)
57.  The Treasure of Alpheus Winterbourn*, by John Bellairs (An Anthony Monday mystery)
58.  The Lamp from the Warlock's Tomb*, by John Bellairs (An Anthony Monday mystery)

Agatha Christie

 1.  The Tuesday Club Murders (Miss Marple; a series of short stories--good intro to character)

 2.  The Labors of Hercules (Hercule Poirot; a series of short mysteries with an overarching theme)

Margaret Truman

 3.  Murder in the White House (Capital Crimes novel: no recurring characters, but sort of a "set")

Isaac Asimov

 4.  The Caves of Steel (A Lije Baley & R. Daneel Olivaw novel)

 5.  The Naked Sun (A Lije Baley & R. Daneel Olivaw novel)

16.  I, Robot

J. K. Rowling

 6.  Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone* (Harry Potter Series Book 1)

 7.  Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets* (Harry Potter Series Book 2)

22.  Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban* (Harry Potter Series Book 3)

32.  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire* (Harry Potter Series Book 4)

Mary Francis Shura

 8.  Kate's Book* (one of two books featuring Kate Alexander)

 9.  Kate's House* (one of two books featuring Kate Alexander)

John Bellairs

10.  The Spell of the Sorcerer's Skull* (A Johnny Dixon mystery) I'm not sure if I've finished this one before, but I know I have started it in the past.

57.  The Treasure of Alpheus Winterbourn* (An Anthony Monday mystery)
58.  The Lamp from the Warlock's Tomb* (An Anthony Monday mystery)

Erle Stanley Gardner

11.  The Case of the Stuttering Bishop (A Perry Mason mystery)

Carl Hiaasen

12.  Flush

E.L. Konigsburg

13.  Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth William McKinley, and me, Elizabeth

Carol Ryrie Brink

14.  The Pink Motel*

Jeff Burk

15.  Shatner Quake (More of a novella.  Whatever it is, it defies description.)

James B. Garfield

17.  Follow My Leader*

Jean Fritz and Tom Clute

18.  Champion Dog Prince Tom*

Janet Evanovich

19.  Full House (Several characters appear again in other books)

20.  Smitten

Jonathan Stroud

21.  The Amulet of Samarkand (The Bartimaeus Trilogy: Book 1)

Dorthy Gilman

23.  Mrs. Pollifax and the Second Thief* (Mrs. Pollifax Novel)
52.  Mrs. Pollifax and the Hong Kong Buddha* (Mrs. Pollifax Novel)
53.  A Palm for Mrs. Pollifax* (Mrs. Pollifax Novel)

Robert Rankin

24.  Nostradamus Ate My Hamster

Elizabeth Peters

25.  The Seventh Sinner* (Jacqueline Kirby novel)

26.  Borrower of the Night* (Vicky Bliss novel)

28.  Lord of the Silent* (Amelia Peabody novel)

39.  A River in the Sky (Ameila Peabody novel)

41.  The Falcon at the Portal* (Amelia Peabody novel)

42.  He Shall Thunder in the Sky* (Amelia Peabody novel)
48.  The Mummy Case* (Amelia Peabody novel)
50.  Lion in the Valley* (Amelia Peabody novel)

John Grogan

27.  Marley and Me

Terry Goodkind

29.  Soul of the Fire (Sword of Truth Series Book 5)

36.  Faith of the Fallen (Sword of Truth Series Book 6)
47.  The Pillars of Creation (Sword of Truth Series Book 7)

51.  Naked Empire (Sword of Truth Series Book 8)
54. Chainfire (Sword of Truth Series Book 9)
55.  Phantom (Sword of Truth Series Book 10)
56.  Confessor (Sword of Truth Series Book 11)

Terry Pratchett

30.  Strata (precursor to the Discworld novels)
46.  Unseen Academicals (A Discworld Novel)

Jan Siegel

31.  Prospero's Children (Fern Capel Trilogy Book 1)

Roald Dahl

33.  Matilda*

Nadifa Mohamed

34.  Black Mamba Boy

Alexander McCall Smith

35.  The Miracle at Speedy Motors (No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency Book 9)

38.  Tea Time for the Traditionally Built (No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency Book 10)

40.  The Double Comfort Safari Club (No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency Book 11)

"Richard Castle"  (ghostwriter unknown; Rick Castle is Nathan Fillion's character on Castle.)

37.  Heat Wave

Christopher Moore

43.  Bloodsucking Fiends* (Vampire Trilogy, Book 1)

44.  You Suck (Vampire Trilogy Book 2)

45.  Bite Me: A Love Story (Vampire Trilogy Book 3)

Sharyn McCrumb
49.  Zombies of the Gene Pool (sequel? to Bimbos of the Death Sun)